“The Ass That Wouldn’t Quit” by Catfish McDaris


Her ass was fire
Her ass was the sun, the moon, a Tyrannosaurus Rex
Her ass laughed and cried

It could make brave men cowards
It could start wars
It could make rich men beggars

It could make saints into sinners
It could turn water into whiskey
It could make the rain come down

When she walked through the Louvre
It turned the Mona Lisa into The Scream.

Her ass was of biblical proportions
Her ass started playing kazoo, but soon
Mastered all wind required instruments
Including the slide trombone
Her ass made lions and bears roar with hunger

It was the Queen of Sheba doing the Twist
Cleopatra in her prime walking like an Egyptian
Marilyn Monroe in a sheer white dress

All the beauty that Paul Gauguin captured in Tahiti
The marlin that Santiago lost to the sharks
Babe Ruth’s grand slam over center field

Her ass was Elvis Presley’s blue suede shoes
Jimi Hendrix’s guitar from Woodstock
It was Steve McQueen’s motorcycle
From The Great Escape

A winning Powerball lottery ticket
The Hope diamond
It was all the words from Pablo Neruda,
Li Po, Tu Fu, and Sun Tzu’s The Art of War

A saber tooth tiger, a killer bee, a Spanish fly
A zillion tarantulas crawling up the
Leaning Tower of Pisa

Her ass was the Great Pyramid at Giza,
Chichen Itza, the Taj Mahal, Stonehenge
Her ass was the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders
Naked doing cheers on the Great Wall of China

As her fine ass retreated
I poured gas all over my body
And waited for lightning.

Catfish McDaris’ most infamous chapbook is Prying (with Jack Micheline and Charles Bukowski). He’s recently been translated into Spanish, French, Polish, Swedish, Arabic, Bengali, Mandarin, Yoruba, Tagalog, and Esperanto. Catfish McDaris won the Thelonius Monk Award in 2015. His ancestors are from the Aniwaya Clan of the Cherokee Nation.


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